Baseball Heaven

5 years ago, my father went to Baseball Heaven.  We received a letter in the mail in a card saying "I believe in the Field of Dreams, and I'm pretty sure that's where your dad went..."

Since then, I literally find sanctuary at the baseball fields.  Afterall, we spent almost every day at the fields, John Adam and I would have a game, dad would be coaching, mom would be working the snack bar, or tending to parental matters ("You don't know politics until you become the President of a Little League," daddy used to say). Our family dinners were Saturday nights, in the Snack Bar of Valley Providence Little League in Reno, Nevada. 

So I heard long ago Heaven is whatever you want it to be. You are surrounded by everything and everyone you love.  I believe in Baseball Heaven.  This is my idea of Baseball Heaven.

• There are no lines at the Snack Bar-and there is no groaning coming from the crowds worried about spending so much money on food and beer.  Snack Bar food in Baseball Heaven is free.
• You get every Big League Chew flavor you can handle...and get this guys-it NEVER loses it's flavor.
• You get to have batting practice with Jackie Robinson, Willy Mays, and Mickey Mantle-and you pull the ball oppo field every time.
• You have the perfect pop-up slide into 2nd and 3rd base.  I would say your uniform doesn't get dirty, but in Baseball Heaven, a dirty jersey, is a great jersey.
• Baseball Heaven your team is not only made up of legends and Hall of Famers, but your shortstop could be your mom, your dad, your favorite little league coach...or the love of your life that you may have lost.
• You have a decent batting average.  One that keeps you honest, and still reminds you to play hard.
• Your sunflower seeds peel off the shell perfectly every time-and you throw the shell on the ground because there is no sign at the Baseball Heaven fields saying "No seeds allowed..."
• Angel Hernandez does not umpire in Baseball Heaven
• Your parents are in the stands and cheer for you every time you are at the plate and on the field.  And they are waiting for you after your game to tell you how proud they are of you.  Even after and 0-for game. (In Baseball Heaven-0-fors to not excist)
• When you pitch, you throw perfect games.  This doesn't mean the batters couldn't hit off of you necessarily. This means- every game you throw in Baseball Heaven, is a perfect game.
• Your mit is perfectly oiled and broken in.
• Nasty one-hoppers do not exist in Baseball Heaven unless they conclude in a web-gem catch.
• Your cleats kiss the concrete in the dugout perfectly everytime-a sound that makes you smile.
• Cleat chasers, are in Baseball Hell. They are not in Baseball Heaven.
• Every mom is The Team Mom.
• You still cannot step on the foul lines in Baseball Heaven.
• You don't have to measure the plate in Baseball Heaven.  Your bat will cover it just fine.
• You rob homeruns, then give them to the poor.
• Pete Rose makes the Hall of Fame in Baseball Heaven.
• I get to play catch with my dad again in Baseball Heaven.
• There are no rain delays in Baseball Heaven.
• You don't have to break in your cleats.
• Everyone has his/her own walkup song.
• The umpires in Baseball Heaven have a consistent strike-zone
• There's no crying in Baseball...Heaven
• Every player makes the All Star team

With Father's Day just around the corner, I became inspired, and just like every Father's Day before that, I will pour a bottle of dad's favorite whiskey in the coach's box where he would rarely give me the sign to bunt.

A Girl's Advice to Get Through Her Man's Fantasy Football Season

So you got yourself a boyfriend/husband/significant other.  Good for you babe! (You're already doing better than me---I digress)

Now you are probably passed the "honeymoon" stage where you pretend to be interested in what he's doing, and can kind of do your own thing right?

Well here are some tips on how to maintain your sanity when dealing with a man who plays fantasy sports.  And trust me, if you follow my rules, he will make every one of YOUR fantasies come true ;)

1. THE DRAFT PARTY RULES AND REGULATIONS

There are a couple ways to have a Fantasy Draft, before your man enters the draft, here's a little tip-go to the local grocery store and pickup a draft magazine for him. I can promise you that ring from Tiffany's will be ordered REAL quick.  Let me give you the 411 on each of them.

• Draft Party: This is where your hubby gets together with all of his friends at a location (usually a place with wifi and it's more than likely at the only single guy in the league's pad) and gets his roster filled.  WARNING: If you can get out of this DO IT!  Unless you are in the league yourself, or are weird like me, you will be BORED out of your mind.  Stay home, go shopping, get drunk do whatever you want, he'll end up appreciating the fact you weren't begging him for attention during the draft.
• Online Draft: Refer to the Draft Party.  Leave him the HELL alone.  For instance: If you had to get a lineup of extremely sexy guys to do a "Magic Mike" type of routine, and when it was your turn to snag Channing Tatum, and you were distracted because your boyfriend needed toilet paper, so you had to settle for a John Goodman-looking dude? Yeah you would be pissed.  So let him be.  The beauty of the draft from home is it doesn't take too long.   

   2. SAVE YOUR CHEAT DAYS FOR SUNDAYS

Babe, your Sundays will be non-existent during football season. Even myself who was in a league, I'm constantly dieting (because Victoria's Secret models and Mila Kunis make me hate myself) I made sure I saved my cheat days for Sundays. I can promise you though there is nothing more fun than drinking beer, wearing a really cute football jersey, and eating carbs until you wind up in the fetal position.  NOTHING.


   3. ACTUALLY WATCH THE GAMES

Remember that Tiffany's ring I mentioned?  That thing will have more karats than Bugs Bunny's diet if you shout something to the TV like "Holy crap AP just got you some fantasy points..." And I will expect a wedding invitation in the mail.

  4.  ASK HIM QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON

Believe it or not, guys do realize not every girl will love sports.  However, they have no problem teaching you about it.  You probably talk to them about stuff you know they're not into.  Go ahead and ask.  He'll love you for it.


  5.  BUY NFL GEAR

Every guy has a fantasy of a beautiful girl wearing their favorite team's apparel.  So fantasy football has more than one meaning pretty girl ;)  I can promise you too, after watching a little bit every now and then you will grow an appreciation.  A lot of girls tend to like football without even realizing it.  


  6.  HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR MAN'S TEAM LOSES

Do. Not. Panic.  This happens.  It's a rarity (like no line at a Chipotle rarity)  that your man will have an undefeated season.  He may be pissed which means punching walls, silent with you for an hour or so, and heavily drinking---actually scratch that last one...it's not football Sunday without a Hangover Monday-let the man drink.  Just wait until he approaches you.  Check online at his team and see what went wrong even...he will be so appreciative and you will get so much respect from your man.

7.  PARTICIPATE

I can't tell you how many guys find it SO attractive when a girl participates in a draft league with them.  Especially the same league as your hubby.  TRUST ME.  He will help you win-especially if you both had to pay a fee to enter the league, that means some of the winnings will be his.  Plus, there are a ton of sources that make drafts so easy like magazines, or even the draft itself.  It's not complicated whatsoever, and it makes the games that much more fun on Sundays too.  Then your man gets to brag about you, you gain some sports knowledge, and I feel like there's one more girl on this earth I can spend Sundays with.  Because let's face it, I love the fact I have a bunch of brothers and guy friends, but even I can use some female companionship. 

Have fun with it.  Your man loves you, so you know you will do anything for him.  Good luck my dear, and remember: tackling doesn't have to be left on the football field. ;)

Hiding Behind a Keyboard

I've been wanting to post this type of blog for months now, but have just been too busy and didn't quite know how to put it out there, so I will try my best.

The beauty of social media is this: anonymity. I love that people can express themselves and be completely upfront with how they feel, I think that's a wonderful thing about today's social media.  

The ugliness of social media is this: anonymity. I can't tell you how many times I've been called "cleat chaser" or "stupid" or even slash my articles that I work hard on, then you look at his/her profile and it's a picture of an MLB player giving a stupid face, or a kitty. This is fine. Call me whatever you want, but that's not who I am. So I'm going to tell you who I am.

The term "cleat chaser" is as follows:

This is probably a more harsh version of cleat chaser-it is from urban dictionary after all. 

"Desperately follows." Now let's remember one thing. Everybody on twitter follows an athlete, celebrity, twitter crush, etc. I'm a SPORTS JOURNALIST it is my job to see what these athletes are up to so I have something to write about. Look through your list of people who you are following on your twitter. Does that make you a cleat chaser? Didn't think so. "In hopes of having intercourse with them..." I won't even go there because a) my personal life is none of your damn business b) it's NOT true and c) a crush on a celebrity or athlete-really like you don't have one? Stop it. 

So now the question is: Have I ever been hit on by an athlete/celebrity what have you? Yes, I have. Guess what though? I've been hit on non-athletes and non-celebrities before too. Weird, I know. 

So when somebody hits on you at work, you start dating, fall in love, get married, have children; that's ok right?  But if an athlete hits on another athlete, or member of the media, or a hot babe with a huge rack, it's bad (by the way I'm NOT the hot babe with the huge rack in this scenario).  Please tell me how this is so.

Guess what though?  I could care less if a guy is a baseball player, carpenter, or one of those people who twirl signs on the corner to tell you about the newest model homes to check out. Let people date whoever the hell they want-stick to trying to find your soul mate on X-Box Live.

I don't date somebody specifically because they are an athlete or any specific career type.  Just coincidentally the last boyfriend I had was a baseball player. I didn't even find out until our 3rd date! (I almost feel pathetic having to defend myself, but I feel the truth needs to be out there). And even more importantly he's the only athlete I've ever been with!

The short of it is, my personal life is none of your business.

The Whispers

So you've read an article of mine or two. I appreciate that. I truly do.  Without any reads, I would not feel I was doing my job.  So you give me criticism, even better, it'll only make me a better journalist.  Oh then there's the ones who tell me I'm a straight up idiot and I "know nothing about sports." Or making fun of me for having a Louis Vuitton purse to a baseball game, or high heels during an interview, or even making fun of me for adding a damn FILTER to a photo (I sometimes get breakouts because I'm a freakin human-forgive me, so you bet your ASS I'm putting a Lo-Fi filter on Instagram). My favorite part is when you won't mention me in the twitter shit-talking, that's super special guys. I enjoy that part the most probably.  Grow a pair. Seriously.

I just hope you take a good long look at how you are treating people. If you're going to be a nasty person and bully and troll people on twitter that's fine, if anything it's hilarious, but blatantly hurting someone that you have never met and making stuff up, it's pathetic.  

I realize if I'm going to land my dream job, the hating will only multiply, but at least at this moment in time you know where I stand and how I am feeling. And also if you're not going to like my articles, or my views on sports, the unfollow button is always there, and you don't have to read everything I post. The Mean Girls table at lunch always has room for you.